The hardest part of using kind training methods isn’t knowing what to do…

It’s dealing with the guilt and shame of recognising that what you’ve done in the past, or what you might revert back to, isn’t in line with who you want to be.

Last week, another video surfaced of an Olympic dressage rider whipping a “rescue” horse 42 times. I watched it, and let me be clear, it wasn’t 42 taps. It was 42 very forceful whacks. Honestly, it’s hard to watch.

Apparently, it was done to save the horse from slaughter. In a public statement, the rider claimed that he was the only victim of the video being released, that the horse was saved, and that he shouldn’t have taken the horse on in the first place. In other words, he presented two options: either save the horse using force, or get the horse put down.

As a horse behaviourist, I see statements like this and think,

There were other options!

Why is the horse so frozen it won’t move? Is there an underlying physical issue that needs attention? Or are there significant gaps in the horse’s training?

If the issue is behavioural, not pain-related, excessive force is never required. But it does mean not jumping straight on. It means checking the basics. Does the horse understand the question? What actually motivates the horse to do the right thing? Does the horse shut down when pressure is applied? Would it be better to use food rewards instead of relying on pressure and release?

When we understand how learning works, it COMPLETELY shifts the decisions we make.

So, does this rider not know these things? You’d assume an Olympic rider would. But sadly, this stuff isn’t often taught. Some brilliant riders do understand learning theory, but the horse world in general is still miles behind dog training and zoo animal training when it comes to progressive, evidence-based methods.

Most of us grew up being told to be the boss, to make the horse submit, to demand respect, and to not let them “get away with it”.

When we begin to REALISE the methods we’ve been taught MIGHT NOT BE THAT GREAT, it often brings up what’s known as cognitive dissonance — that uncomfortable feeling when your actions don’t align with your values.

In the case of this Olympic rider, he probably believes he’s a good person who cares about horses. But being confronted with his own harmful behaviour clashes with that self-image. That’s cognitive dissonance.

When this happens, our minds scramble to reduce the discomfort. Here’s how:

1. You change your behaviour
   You start learning about ethical training and commit to doing better.

2. You change your beliefs to match your actions
   “Those methods aren’t that bad… my coach uses them too.”

3. You justify your actions
   “The horse was dangerous. I had to!”

4. You avoid the discomfort altogether
   “I don’t want to watch that video. It’ll just make me feel bad.”

This rider (subconsciously) chose option 3. If you’re doing option 1, that’s amazing. But chances are, you might still be doing some version of 2, 3, or 4, and I’m not here to judge you for that.

That’s just your brain trying to protect you from feeling like shit. It’s also why I’ve had clients come to me, leave after a few sessions, and return later. Because once they start learning, they realise they have to reconcile years, sometimes decades, of behaviour that doesn’t match who they want to be.

AND THAT IS REALLY CONFRONTING

Using kind, force-free methods takes more than just learning a new way. It means re-learning who you are as a horse person. And let’s be honest, it’s often easier to change your beliefs, justify your actions, or bury your head in the sand.

That’s also why anyone who has tried and walked away is always welcomed back with open arms.

Guilt and shame are powerful forces that can stop change in its tracks. So please, be kind to yourself and keep going. It does get easier.

Want to learn more about ethical training?
Understanding how horses learn is a vital first step. My How Horses Learn online course is a gentle and empowering place to begin. This 10-week course includes live weekly sessions, supportive reflection, and no judgment, just the tools to help you understand your horse better. Learn more→

Already learning kind training methods but still slipping back into old habits?
It may not be about knowledge. It might be about guilt or shame. Confidence coaching can help. These off-the-horse sessions are a safe space to uncover what’s keeping you stuck and help you move forward with clarity, kindness, and confidence. Learn more →